i felt nervous, i've never presented my research before. but this served as a good practice for my presentation at AAPM. the stakes are higher there. i was practicing on the way to campus, and continued doing so by entering into a private room. the entire presentation is 15 minutes, and i kept failing to practice until the end because of how long it is. i kept improvising and adapting, thinking how this could be explained simpler, how to make it less strenuous for the audience to understand, and have it be lighter for them, after a day of presentations. i did not want to increase their cognitive load, so i introduced more examples, more explanations in simple terms, more rhetorical questions.

when it was my turn i felt calm, just seconds before i went up i decided i would share my presentation was accepted into AAPM, i felt it would boost the look on MSDS and the practicum. i do believe i lucked out, or more accurately, i believe it was God's provision that i got to partner with UCSF, which led me down this potential road of PhD.

i remember minutes into my presentation, i started getting tired. i wonder how professors lecture for 2 hours, and that's just one class, how they do it the entire day i do not understand. 10 mninutes in, i wanted to stop speaking, i was listening to my own voice, cringing at how it sounds and vibrates across the room, i thought about how people are getting bored, and i should wrap it up quickly. i thought about how people don't care about what i have to say at all. but stripping away all the insecurities, i felt at peace, i wasn't nervous, only careful about what i had to say. since i didn't practice the ending enough, and fumbled it, but the entire presentation went well. i was apparently one of the finalist for bets presentation, and a director even reached out for an interview.

i wonder how different the AAPM one would be, would i be on stage? would i get tougher questions that i can't answer? there will be a lot of uncertanties, but one thing i can be sure is i will be well-prepared and groomed by my professor, and that i will do my best.