i stressed about lc because of the news of the interview. it's all a matter of perspective, i can see it as a good thing that i got an interview, but it's also a bad thing that i might fail, and i see all the time that i have to pour into practicing, and it may not deliver the results i expect. everything is about sacrifice, and what i decide to invest my time in, it determines the person i become. every choice holds weight, and that gives me the hardest time when making decisions. sometimes all i should do is take a leap of faith.

i felt down again and didn't feel like talking. we all went to play trains at J's. i got to meet miso. i did not know poodles like eating chestnuts. i'm glad to have friends who care, i always feel deep down that nobody cares, and my problems are my own to bear. but that's a failure mode, because if someone is willing to listen, don't shut them off. the world is cruel and dark, and if you have even one person to bear your burdens with with, that's one of the greatest blessings in the world, better than what the riches of the world can offer. and it's a glimmer of what jesus offered when he walked on our world.