i asked L where he got his pants from and i learned about the brand ksubi. i also learned that their jeans go up to 300 dollars, and realized i cannot afford new york fashion.

after what felt like the longest day at the office, it was time for the holiday party. i went back to the apartment to meet with T, put on a jacket, and we went to four seasons at the surf club. i was not aware how far this place was, and we were the last to arrive and everyone was in their circles by then. slowly some people scattered to get food and conversations came trickling in. everyone was friendly and courteous, especially the ones who initiated conversations.

i observed a pattern of the newer people staying further away from the gravitational core, which was D. the only time i went close to it was to get drinks. most of the time, in fact, we were at the very edge, just the two of us, feeling out of place, yet enjoying each other's company.

it was nice to experience this. around 9 pm most people had left and we took a walk out to the gate. i kept telling T about how i should've said hi to D, but then also saying how i had nothing good to say, and justifying that i made the right decision to avoid awkwardness.

i've been this overthinking machine, unable to just act, and having to analyze my every move.

but this was the first time T and I went to a party together, the first of many, as we go through more life experiences together.