packing for a move to a different state is a challenge greater than i anticipated. it took days of organizing and shuffling, packing and repacking, and leaving some things at W's house but i somehow, with 20 minutes to spare before the plane boards, made it with 2 50lbs luggages and a carry on that was stuffed like a turkey on thanksgiving. i have two laptops in my bag, im moving to start my first ever full time job.

the past 3 days of starting at OE has been nerve racking yet incredibly exciting. im constantly oscillating between feeling out of place and insufficient, yet feeling hopeful and grateful for the the opportunity to grow. i feel afraid that i wont be able to meet expectations, yet i know i will always get things done in the end. i got my first project on my first day, and theres a clock ticking down at the back of my mind when i shower and eat. like a bomb i should be diffusing or the world ends.

achievements and "success" often comes with sacrifices. it could be health or relationships or your own identity and values. so my priority in life now is to learn how to balance. im someone who gets obsessed with things, either its work, research, a new side project, books, art, people. relationships, either its God, T, my family, or friends, is the one thing i must never sacrifice. if there's anything ive learned in the past few years, its that i cant do any of this alone. and im lucky enough to not have to. and that ive been the happiest when i do things not for myself, but for the people i care about.

after watching a beautiful mind on the plane, i learned that love can save us from our lowest points, and to never give up on hope. and sometimes our greatest works and achievements arent the things we plan for, but the things we do along the way, with the people we love.