i did something incredibly reckless. i was so flustered and anxious and worried that i would lose my job that it took 50 minutes to figure out how to write a response. my mind was spiraling: what do i say, should i just apologize or be concise or try to justify myself? trying to give excuses felt wrong. chatgpt kept telling me not to say too much or i'd incriminate myself. it's one of those things where my brain wasn't registering that the action wasn't smart, but i still wanted to go through with it. i didn't think about the consequences at all.

the anxiety stayed with me for the rest of the day because i didn't get a response back. it felt so big and overwhelming, like the space was closing in on me and i couldn't breathe. the incident from the day before was stacking on top of everything i felt today.

i shipped the laptop, got flowers from tj, wrapped them, and went to the airport. also started sketching the psalms book. going out and doing those things helped me remember that the world outside was real, and the problem probably wasn't a big deal at all and it wouldn't eat me up. seeing T again helped take my mind off it. we went to kura revolving sushi bar. i discovered i like yellowtail sushi, and soy wrap too.