I am as human as anyone. I love, I-I get scared. I wake up every morning, and despite not knowing what to do, I put one foot in front of the other, and I try to make the best choices that I can. I screw up all the time, but that is being human, and that's my greatest strength. And someday, I hope, for the sake of the world, you understand that it's yours too. – superman '25

meals:

• breakfast: rice w chicken
• lunch: shake (12pm), flower child avo, chicken, tofu (5pm)
• dinner: popcorn

notes:

• last day at the wework, it's been nice working in person, i enjoyed having discussions with E. i should reach out to people more and have conversations or i will never grow.
• james gunn's version is more sci-fi, colorful, comedic, and has better character development
• ate so much popcorn my stomach hurts

reflection:

for work: i really like sketching things out on excalidraw. it takes time and it feels like i'm slowing down my project completion time, but it pays off in the long run. with ai coding i constantly feel like i can get things done 20x faster, but having to fix and debug and clean up code later it. the past two weeks have been hitting enter and typing phrases like "Please fix", "why doesn't this work", and "ULTRATHINK". i cannot avoid db design in any fully stack project, i can't believe i didn't start with drawing a db model and just claude code my way through things. but i suppose for a 2 week speed run for demo, it was necessary, albeit i could've saved a lot of headaches and time by talking to more people first.

for life: today was my payday and i felt i had the opportunity to take a break. amidst the chaos of moving and settling in and buying things to make the apartment feel like a home, i had work to distract me, and T's presence to keep me company. i thought watching superman would be a good way to take my mind off of work, but all it did was make me more emotional. it made me realize how moving here i'm thousands of miles away from my family, and how i might only see them a few times a year as they're getting older. i felt more alone than ever walking out of the movie theatre. it also made me question what love is, and where T and I are at. and whether i've begun taking her for granted. i've been working too much lately and we don't have meaningful conversations like we used to. and it's making me resent taking this job. even though i'm excited about the work that i don't even classify it as work, i do have a problem with setting boundaries. and i need to start implementing some or i'll be completely subsumed by it.

tomorrow: balance it out

slept: 2 a.m.