pain was so bad i have to leave class twice. it minght be the stress from the linkedin interview. i stood at walgreens looking for antacids. it brought me back to iowa and my life pre-surgery. i felt depressed. i thought about how life sucks again, and i did not want to live this life, i haven't felt this way for a while. the surgery held up well for the past year bu recently i'm slipping back into the conditions again

i felt fear and worry and i kept playing worship music in my ear. i sat on the grey sofas at transamerica park and starred at the redwood trees and the tip of transamerica. i remember feeling peaceful. the weather is so good today i felt grateful for the trees, and for being here.

i've been feeling so overwhelmed and lost. i've been having trouble getting out of bed, i wake up with pain and the pain has been coming after i eat. i haven't been able to eat well for dinner. something is happening to my body again and i can't figure out what

i have no suport for this here

i wish my family was here close to me

i wish T was beside me

i feel like i'm not healthy enough for T

i have to pray harder every night

i've forgotten how short life is, and how easy health can be taken away from me

things will get better.