i got really worried about health when i had trouble eating breakfast. i couldn't "feel" anything again. i kept falling asleep in class and i couldn't muster the energy to care about things. classic burnout sysmptoms. i was afraid of the future and felt pessimistic about life. i just wanted to be alone and in bed. every moment i placed my fingers on my keyboards, i couldn't figure out what to do next, i was paralyzed. i shared my fears with W. it helped to hear my fears out loud, they lose their stronghold, i realize they're mostly unrealistic, and that i just have to focus on today, and tomorrow can worry about itself.

i got rejection email around 5 pm and there was a milisecond of dissapointment, but it soon got replaced with gratitude. knowing that i still have options, that i'm here in SF because of my loving parents who gave me free will and to pursue my "dreams". i dislike the idea of a career. a job title to strive for. i like the idea of obsession more. to be obsesssed about certain problems keeps me going.