“I like being in the shade of a tree very much, both because of not being so warm, but also because I’m reminded that, um, there’s something much bigger than me. Like literally something over me. I look up and I feel the immensity of the tree, and then I also see all the little weird polygons that the interlocking branches make and how they kind of split up the sky into all these weird polygons. And I find that really just astonishing and wonderful—like the branches make shapes out of the sky. That only I can see in this moment from only this particular angle. And like, uh, just being reminded of that makes me happy and makes me feel a little bit, um, yeah, like I’m not doom‑scrolling.

“We only have a certain number of times left to stare at a tree… it’s extremely fin`ite. What do I have left—maybe 12,000 times? To stare at a tree, like that feels totally insufficient.”

– john green last meal

meals:

• breakfast: oats + bananas
• lunch: dumplings, shake
• dinner: chicken soup + rice

notes:

• had to deal with vacuuming the futon mattress and fit it into a box, returned 4 other amazon items to UPS. there should be a service i can pay for to just return amazon things for me
• procrastinated alot today, watched weapons while working, gymed at 7 pm, cooked chicken soup with tumeric, bay leaves, star anise, mushroom powder
• listned to linus lee talk about building tools for thought in dialectic

reflection:

i have to stop staying up late finishing work its going to have so much ddamage on my mental heallth, and also watching media as a way to destress, i need better self control, i'm losing sense of myself

tomorrow: sleep earlier

slept: 3 a.m.