"See enough and write it down, I tell myself. And then some morning, when the world seems drained of wonder, some day when I’m going through the motions of doing what I am supposed to do… On that bankrupt morning, I will simply open my notebook and there it will all be, a forgotten account with accumulated interest. Paid passage back to the world out there. It all comes back. Remember what it is to be me."
–Joan Didion
my days no longer have structure. i no longer delay gratificaion. being at home and working remote means i can easily just get distracted by non-work related stuff for 2 hours, and wonder where the time went. i also means i can take one meeting at 12 pm, which then takes away all my energy, and it's already lunch time, where I usually play a movie or get sucked into the youtube rabbit hole. after that i'm too tired for any serious work I and proceed to procrastinate until it's after 10pm, which is my prime time for focusing again, until it's 1 a.m.
being stationary and stuck on my computer at home has a huge negative impact to my mental well-being. just being able to talk to T and going out for a walk outside to the redwoods park below transamerica helped make me feel so much better. i should go to that park more often just to have a short break. im lucky enought o live only one block away, i should utilize it more. if only it wasn't so cold, i would be going more frequently.
got my drivers license in the mail today. my citation request that was denied also came with it. either i do clipper START or i do community service to handle this $130 fine. i refuse to accept the fact that they fined me even though the tap device was broken. i will find a way. i have 25 days.