How to be popular?

Bal du moulin de la Galette, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, 1876

Bal du moulin de la Galette, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, 1876

if you were ever wondering why you're not popular.

here's Dr. Ana to answer that burning question.

The main trait of popular kids is they're fun

But what does it mean to be fun?

There are a few characteristics.

first is humor. We like to laugh, and we like people who can make us laugh. laughing induces pleasant emotions. humor is a defense mechanism to keep people from experiencing the hardships of life as painfully as they would. That's we like comedians. so if you're innately funny, let that shine in social interactions.

second is charisma. Charisma is comprised of three components: presence, warmth and power. if you can make people feel like the most important person in the room (presence), and they have positive feelings towards you (warmth) and you are somebody worth being around (power), then you're fun to be around.

third is a good conversationalist. what makes conversations free flow and fun? it's not the deep questions, some people don't like to go too deep and intimate into their traumas or personal lives, especially if they don't know you that well yet. Instead, have surface level conversations that can involve humor, then go deeper

example, you're talking to a therapist

  • you ask: "what is it like to be a therapist, do you feel drained at the end of the day?", they share their experience, talk about their day, and you just nod, and try to think of the next question and there's no flow
  • you say: "I always wanted to be a therapist in undergrad but I decided against" they asked why, you say "I don't think I had enough empathy for it", you both laugh, they ask "what did you go into instead?", and conversation flows from there

fourth is liveliness. they exude energy, they dance enthusiastically, they converse enthusiastically, they are very uninhibited, they laugh wholeheartedly. they're the ones pulling people on to the dance floor. naturally you'll be drawn to high energy people because they will pull us up, whereas low energy people are going to be a little bit more static. Extroverts have the advantage here, whereas introverts are the people who retreat from loud environments. Introverts might be grounding for people, creating a calm and pleasant environment, but that isn't fun. So, if you're an introvert, you have to put in more effort to be lively and recharge your social battery.

last is risk taker. fun people are not as reactive when something scary happens, their bodies are not as affected in dangerous situations, the seek the adrenaline rush. They're the ones that have fun with life and don't mind things getting a little dangerous. They don't think, they act. They're the ones that convinces everyone to go out when everyone's already in bed, the ones that takes the first dive at a cliff, the ones that tell you to ask out that person at the bar. learn to live a little, you do only live once. but don't be too reckless.

one thing to take mind is, greater popularity does not relate to being a good person or a good friend, it's just about being fun.

if you want to be popular, ask yourself in every single interaction, how can I make this more fun for the other person?